I think I have a brain and I have many thoughts. I'm going to start writing them down, because one day when I'm older I'm going to look back and maybe feel good about reading my own thoughts and blabberings.

Sometimes, I question the general consensus. Perhaps the media and other influences that society puts out there leads us to think a certain way and most of us don't even realize it. Then we start to lose our own opinions, perceptions, and ideas. It's a pretty slippery slope when people stop thinking for themselves.
I believe that my parents' generation suffered especially from the propaganda of the Maoist era. They followed blindly and were either too weak or too scared to question what they were made to believe. Even in the face of starvation, the majority of the country did not dare speak up. Seeing those who did fight for a pinch of freedom become persecuted turned everyone else away from doing so. Not to perpetuate a stereotype or anything, but I truly believe that this sort of attitude is exactly why Chinese people are seen as docile, obedient creatures who rarely speak up or stand up for themselves. So there you have it, a nation fallen apart. Starved and beaten down, but still it's either follow the pack and continue to suffer than face the alternative. Who knows where these people would have ended up if the country had banded together and fought for their basic rights instead of chanting a ridiculous mantra while lying through their teeth 'All hail Chairman Mao.'?
My father, on the one hand, definitely has his own mind. Perhaps, a little too geared to his own ideas, relentlessly touting his own beliefs as 'right,' and unyielding towards new or different ideas. If I say gays are just people who love their own sex, pops tells me I'm wrong and that all gays, the entire community and the act of being gay itself, is wrong. I choose to agree to disagree, and that pretty much goes for everything else that we discuss. There's really no point in trying to make him see things my way. That's not a battle I'll win. If it's one thing he's good at, it's putting his ideas out there, whether or not people will agree with him. Action is another story. My dad works by the system, and will never push against it even when things work against him. That must be why he's been in the USA for over 20 years and he works in the USPS and watches all his friends develop valuable skills and opening up their own businesses.
Mother, on the other hand, is ... a child. A grown woman, on the surface. Her own ideas? I have yet to see any. She draws her knowledge from the press, mostly the Asian media. The 50 cent Chinese newspaper that they buy every day and the KTSF news. She believes every word and every syllable uttered and printed across the board. She may occasionally pick up something in English print, but her English peaked around her 30s and improvement is long gone. She'll take a glance at it, understand the bare minimum and draw some harebrained conclusion that children should listen to their elders and that's that. Reasoning and logic are unnecessary as long as you listen to your elders. That's her mantra.
Ergo, the communication lines in this house are severed. Plus, my own skills in Chinese are limited, which creates a language barrier at home. I'd say I make most of the efforts to try to close the gap, because my parents make nearly no effort to try to learn any more English than they already know. It's really quite a shame, because they are trying to survive in this country and speaking English is necessary to their survival.
Other than the language barrier, I feel this huge generation gap between my parentals and me. It's like they want to live in this newfangled, modern world and enjoy freedom, but they brought their rigid mindsets from the 1950s and forever their minds will be stuck in that era.














On a completely separate topic, I would definitely appreciate a politician who supported the gay community as well as abortion and promotion of public goods.

Seriously, what is so wrong with being gay? We can dance around the subject and the only argument I really hear just boils down to the Bible says marriage ought to be between a man and a woman or the act of being gay itself seems wrong and unnatural. I can think of a million other acts out there that are definitely WRONG and UNNATURAL.
I don't see why gay marriage is even a political issue. I believe it is an individual's own lifestyle choice and decision that one should make for him or herself. Other than for tax revenue, creating this into some political debacle seems unnecessary and rather selfish for the government to deny someone the basic right to declare being in a legally binding commitment. When people do find love and want to enter into marriage, shouldn't we just be happy for them? It seems so rare for any one person to find someone to be romantically interesting, more rare to fall in love, even more rare to find true love. I think practically anyone in this world can appreciate the beauty of a couple who proclaim their love. Shouldn't we be happy for the gays when they proclaim the same statement, that they believe they've found love and want to be married? That's just my opinion on the subject.

As for abortion, I'm aware that a lot of people see it as an easy way out for people who are not ready to bear children. Yes, I agree that it is reckless to use abortion time and time again to neglect real-life responsibilities. However, abortion as a last resort for a lot of women who are unable to bear the responsibility of another life seems necessary to me, especially in this harsh world. People need to have choices and people need to decide for themselves without the pressures of other voices swaying them to choose one or the other. For example, what if a female had been raped and becomes pregnant by force? Is it right to say she must give life when she never even made the choice to have sexual intercourse?
Even if there was no force involved, I feel it is WRONG and UNNATURAL to bring life into this world without being able to care of it. Giving birth to a human being is a responsibility and once a person brings that life into this world, he or she must be certain that the baby will be taken care of, whether it be self-financed, assistance, or giving the baby up for adoption.
Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape or form, comparing newborns to animals.
When a child wants a pet, you would tell the child no way in hell should the kid be allowed to have a puppy if he cannot take care of it. Who in their right mind would give a kid a puppy if he ends up sitting on the couch watching cartoons, and letting a cute pup starve and become emaciated?
I have that same opinion about bringing a newborn into this world. No person in this world should even think about bringing life into this world unless they are certain the baby will be taken care of and that's that. A baby cannot choose to be born, or choose anything for that matter. Those who give birth must decide "Can I really make sure that this baby will lead a healthy and happy life?" and if the answer is no, is it fair to bring that baby into this world and ultimately force the baby to endure pain and suffering?
Thus, I believe that abortion must be a choice made available to unwed mothers or unprepared people anytime, anywhere. No one should ever feel forced or trapped into any decision. We have to do what we feel is the right decision. No child deserves to be brought into an environment with regret.

As for public goods...well...look at this country, everything is so ridiculously expensive. Just making an appointment with a doctor to ask some simple questions requires careful consideration. Is it worth the trip and a few bucks just to get there and wait about half an hour before you even get any advice?
All the while, we watch other countries with much higher tax brackets get better health care, and benefit from better infrastructure. Are we so selfish that we'd rather have more income and a worse off standard of living?
People around here spend way too much time complaining and not nearly enough time DOING something. I don't see why people complain about taxes here at all. When someone is making 6 figures and living a comfortable life, what is so wrong with putting up tax dollars that may benefit other people and potentially the entire community in the process?
As I get older, I'm watching public education in this world take a nosedive. Why did an upstanding high school that once received national awards strip away much of its curriculum and is now only making use of paperback books with lighter course loads? If someone teaches P.E., what makes him qualified to teach World Literature? I'd like to see some certification, please.
As if the younger generation doesn't have enough distractions while the technology and entertainment industries are making big bucks. A nation of idiots, I say.
I think Obama's attempt to improve education by extending the school year shows he means well. But nobody can force a kid to learn. If a child is in school and not focussed, he'll just be spending that much more time in school letting his mind rot away or plotting his next misdemeanor or felony. Education needs to be stimulating enough to hold someone's attention and hopefully instill the will to do something useful. I don't know what the solution is, but funds definitely need to be put back into education. These tuition hikes and simultaneous budget cuts defy logic.
I may be wrong, but I believe I read in an article that last year, the state of California put her money into prisons than in education. Ain't that grand?
Decent people and starving people put up a lot of their hard-earned dollars to receive quality education. It's not fair to force people to pay more when they expect better and are receiving something below par.

I think that's it for today.

can't time just slow down for me? or freeze altogether

you know what kills relationships?
relationships kill relationships
lol everything is fine until the relationship starts

what's worse is when the friendship ends

Unemployed again. I know better than to count my eggs before they hatch, but I guess I just couldn't take it anymore at that job. or maybe that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better about my decision. It's for the best, so I can devote more time to finding the right job for myself. SO then, why is my strategy to shoot out my resume to whatever is hiring, no matter what the job is? LoL @ MYSELF.

I need to learn how to be independent
practice patience
be STRONG, stop falling apart, I know I can fix my own problems.
I don't need a man, no I don't...no no no no no

I'm good. I'm cool. Everything's fine =] ... I think?

New Schedule
9AM - 12:30 PM --> Apply for jobs
1PM - 3PM --> Study for GMAT
3PM - 5PM --> Apply for jobs!

I've never been so verbally abused at work. This is including Victoria's Secret.

on a separate note, guys will say stuff. It always sounds pretty, the same old cheesy, sappy stuff, and it tends to make girls melt. WHY? I just want to be steady as a rock, no melting. I thought I could handle it. I guess I'm sappy too.

So ... all my life, whenever I'm upset, angry, or sad I just listen to music and it makes me feel better. Sometimes, it's frustrating, because I sort of want to stay angry a little while longer, but the right song at the right time hits the right spot for me.

Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting
Richard Marx & Donna Summer - At The Beginning

hey you, if you're reading this...
I like the way you hardly know me and yet you understand me so well.
I like the way you make me smile and you hardly even have to try.
I like how you listen and how you unexpectedly reach for my hand.
I like how you remember what I say and repeat it back to me days later, like it's still fresh in your memory.
You don't even know how much that means to me.
I can't believe it was so easy for me to fall for you. and so fast...it scares me
How did this happen? I lived it, but I don't understand it =]

Last Thursday, Tim and I ate at In n Out. on Friday, we walked around Golden Gate Park and had a picnic with HALF a subway sandwich haha, carrot cake, snapple white tea. We had a good time at Stybing Arboretum. On Saturday, we spent Halloween at turtle hill, saw the sunset =], then ocean taqueria, watched a stupid movie called fear, then we hung out at quickly's. Today we just...um... did stuff. lol why am I having trouble writing this in my own private blog? I must have privacy issues with myself. I haven't felt this good in a while. It's also scary. I don't think this could actually work, could it?
Nothing makes sense now. I'm not surprised. Nothing ever makes sense.