another day, another step

day 1 - enter lobby, pitch dark outside, still have headphones on, and it's Owl City - This is the future. How very befitting for the first day of work in a pristine, corporate building.

ugh this is going to eat me alive. stupid multi-line telephone

haha ugghhh I need to move outtt

I am awake at 9am on a Saturday. I'm searching Craigslist for a job. Must be force of habit. How weird is that?

I have a job that will bury me. I am so excited. and nervous. and excited. and frightened.

What a strange journey it's been. I'm lucky for what I have, I'm lucky to have met the people I met along the way.

Goodbye hair.

Love is a four-letter word that I don't often believe in. But sometimes I might let my feelings get the best of me and then I start to think otherwise.

I do believe that sometimes emotions bubble up and spill over the top, like unsightly fatty folds of flesh that topple over the top of pants that don't fit. So these feelings are hard to hold on, until you can't hold them in anymore and the words just fly out of your mouth. Just 3 words and once they're out there, you can't take them back. That happens to everyone, I guess, at some point in their lives. But what's important is how you feel once those words escape your lips. If there's a feeling of relief and resolute...happiness, if you will, then maybe it was the right choice to utter those 3 words. I guess, in that case, you feel glad to have finally shared what you could no longer hide. On the other hand, if you feel unsure or guilty, then you're in trouble.

I've decided I am happy with my life right now.

I want and need and wish for a lot more than what I have. But in general, I am happy today. Well, I'm happy at this moment. I'm warm and content. Tomorrow, I may feel stressed about a million things. For now, I'm grateful for what I have and who I am with, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

March twenty-fifth won't be a day I soon forget.

2012 was a depressingly dramatic or dramatically depressing movie.

If the world ends tomorrow, I just want to know that someone does have that bubbling feeling that can't be held inside and feels that way about me.

I'm a big girl. I don't believe in fairy tales. I'm also quite negative and I worry too much. But I've accepted that about myself.

I believe in myself. I'll be successful one day. I'll make it on my own. Perhaps my diploma could be traded for a candy bar. -_- mmm chocolate

I'm random as always.

I thought that living at home would be boring. and it is. and I can't wait to get out of here. But I don't actually feel bored. I feel the crushing weight of stress, and a series of things happening to me that I cannot control. Is there a lesson in all this? I get it, I can't always get what I want. Now, can I please have something good happen to me? I'm tired of chasing after things I lose, but they are just material things.

Dear Cellphone,

I miss you so. I didn't realize how much I liked a touchscreen phone. I didn't find typing difficult at all. I hope you and Mr. Micro SD Card are well. I'm sorry I was absentminded and lost you somewhere. Hopefully you fall into some kind stranger's hands who will somehow find it possible to return it to me.

Mr. LGShine, you are a very adequate substitute, but I miss what I had.

I gotta stop being so harebrained. I'm way too scattered.

Other things out of my control...it's just really unprofessional to offer a job and take it away. It's also unethical right? So no matter how long this stupid process takes, I should be patient and wait it out, because it's all part of my growing up.