Earning Degrees Online

Traditionally, people who are becoming more independent go on to acquire educational degrees, become engrossed in higher learning after high school. Some even go on to study even higher degrees, like business school, medical school, law school, etc. Now when we think of these degrees, we usually picture people who are in their 20s, have young, noncommittal lives, the freedom & the time to attend any school they wish, and/or physically move to the location of their choice. So that goes with the traditional idea of education, attend some formal institution of higher learning, physically sit at a desk to attend classes for a few years, that type of thing.

Since education, in this land of opportunity, is something that is 'never too late' to accomplish, there are many people who attend community college after they raise children, are of an older generation, et cetera. I agree that it's never too late to chase your dreams, especially education. It's one of those 'products' that gets better with age. Education that you receive in the present, with the most up-to-date information, is better than information that students received decades ago. At least, by my standards, this is what I expect out of education. So more recently, online degrees or attending classes over the internet, has become a growing trend. Some people label this type of schooling as informal and kind of a waste of money, because they're not really accredited institutions. That is true in the sense that most learning over the internet does not have the same reputation as an upstanding, brand-name university. But I thought about it and the majority of people don't come from brand-name schools, so we do not get to enjoy that brand name label anyway. Another thing that made me more interested in online classes was when I thought back to my undergrad years and how I actually studied. I used a lot of resources, mostly from lectures & notes posted by my professor over the school's intranet. Whatever information I wanted, but did not have immediate access to, I would just search it up on the internet. If I still had trouble grasping a concept, I would go to the professor or teaching assistant's office hours and ask more specific questions.

That made me realize that most of our information comes from the internet. It's getting to the point where the world wide web is today's first and probably, best resource when it comes to acquiring information. Yes, I attended classes in person (most of the time), but when I studied, I would first refer back to notes I took in class, go over the homework, and so on. As far as using the actual textbooks, it was more of a last resort. So that makes me wonder how different can it be to actually physically attend a university as opposed to obtaining education via an online institution, when considering most of our information comes from the internet anyway? Practically anyone who can afford a college education most definitely can afford an internet connection. Furthermore, many upstanding institutions are creating online degrees, like Notre Dame and Northwestern, I believe. I read an article about these name brand schools who produce online degrees and I tried to find it again, but sadly I could not. More pros about online schooling: this concept completely strips away the confines of a traditional classroom, with blackboard, seats, blah blah. You don't have to worry about classes filling up, as long as the servers allow enough people to sign into a podcast or live lecture, you get into the class. So you can chill out in your pajamas, eat a snack, while engaging in education. If there's bad rain or other less than wonderful types of weather, you don't have to bear it, because you are learning in the comfort of your own home. This is just what people need if they need to raise a family, work during the day, and genuinely want to pursue education.

Now I also have cons, of course. First of all, there's no face time with your professor and it is very difficult to engage with your classmates or peers. These online classes are another result of the digital revolution putting us into our wifi bubbles, sans physical human interaction. Ito also makes us more dependent on our internet connections. Without it, we're all so lost, like unable to explore, unable to make decisions, unable to be productive, or a herd of lost sheep, or deer in the headlights. I think I'm probably not the only person who feels this way. I mean, think about how your office would feel if the internet connection went out. Anyways, I'm not against our love/love relationship with the internet. My point is that without the internet connection, there is no online education. Also, some people feel that when they are at home, they feel inclined to make themselves too comfortable, and are then too distracted to actually force themselves to learn. Another thing about less of an upstanding reputation with online degrees, some of them are definitely not professional institutions for people to LEARN. They run their programs like a business, and that is essentially what it is, They are out to get money and spam our inboxes with junk mail. When I see spam letters like this, my brief glance already informs me that their idea of education is to rush an unsuspecting soon-to-be "student" into paying lots of fees and whatnot before they even know what the curriculum is going to be like.

Now as wonderful as the internet is (people can even become ordained as legitimate ministers over the internet), just imagine what kind of degrees you can legitimately learn over the internet. The type where it is a lot of text, and images supplement the learning, right? Well, of course. The more hands on type of education you cannot get over the internet. Like, being a mechanic, or a heart surgeon. You need to learn and see, and try to know if you CAN do these things and if you CAN be good at it. Even if a degree requires a lot of reading and not a lot of hands-on interaction, some things are better learnt in person. Can you imagine being in an unsavory lawsuit and hiring a lawyer who obtained his degree online? It's a little strange.

Now I've blabbered on long enough. I've even bored myself. I wonder how bored I will be reading this when I'm old.

don't look a gift horse in the mouth or whatever that saying is & what the heck it means

On xmas morning, wild 94.9: "If you get a whack gift, go return it. Don't feel bad. Go get the money and get what you really want." How wise. Good idea, but easier said than done.So the holidays & xmastime is about giving. and I really appreciate all the gifts I got this year. I don't think I'm deserving of such generosity & kindness. I'm just going to make a note here of some of the cool gifts I got this year.

The sports bra wasn't a gift, but I guess this is stuff I'd use/wear while going for a quick run around the neighborhood. Now if you scroll down/up and around, you see the ipod nano, generation whatever 2010 new one w/ the clip & pedometer, great for jogging, some nike whatever the heck they are that are supposedly very lightweight and good running shoes, those tight pants that people use for running and/or biking that really hugs your bum. Thank you everyone very much! Now, I'm wondering, are the forces coming together and telling me I need to go running, get off my ass and get some exercise? errr yeah I should and with a waterproof jacket, I should not use the rain as an excuse.

On xmas day, I had red nails, got bored, put some green in there. Later that day, I built a lego castle w/ my cousin, whom I love and she is so adorable.

oh yeah got another piece of mail from my primary physician that says she is going to be on maternity leave....hrmm sounds familiar, I have still never met her before.

economy moving forward?

There are some signs that show the economy is improving and moving forward. Last Friday might have been evidence that this spend, spend, spend culture is doing well, and all is fine. But wasn't that kind of what started the whole mess? Racking up debt that we (as individuals, as a nation, and a global community) could not easily repay and brought countless financial institutions to their knees and looking for a handout. Unless everyone that buys stuff nowadays does not use credit as a means of payment, and if so, they are entirely responsible enough to make payments in a timely manner. (in an ideal world, yes)

Well one fine example of an institution reaching for a life preserver was AIG, but is now showing promising signs - "AIG raises $2bil. in 1st bond sale since '08...bailout'
Source link: http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-11-30/aig-sells-2-billion-of-debt-in-insurer-s-first-offering-since-u-s-rescue.html
Perhaps people are getting antsy to put their cash somewhere with higher returns than we have seen from t-bills, or maybe it's the 'too-big-to-fail' mentality that we've encountered in the past year or so that makes people have faith in institutions with a 'brand name.' Their bond ratings are pretty high, as this article states.

In late 2008, when many banks were crashing around us, and people were losing confidence in their banks, those who still had income were looking for a safe place to put their paychecks, other than holding it as cash. Well I wasn't too worried about every bank going to hell, and bank runs are so 1929 haha, well it was more like I had no money to worry about anyway. At that time, it seemed like though the rates sucked, people were putting more faith in Treasury bonds than their own so-called 'free' checking accounts. What showed a minor bit of desperation was when Wachovia printed out thank you notes if you made a deposit, or at least that's what I heard.

Most people in the Eastern hemisphere, well and the West....ok, most people on the planet would say that the financial turmoil within the U.S. spurred the global financial crisis. U.S. bonds were like party favors, an obvious sign of trouble. and nobody is ever going to say that these were issued without any intent of repayment. It's one of those things that are never going to be clear-cut, but it's somewhat very, very likely to be true. I still don't think all the blame can be put on one country. What did everyone else, *ahem China cough* expect from these party favor bonds? Pretty suspicious that these bonds would definitely have issues with repayment, but it's not like these other countries were trying to be good Samaritans, lending a helping hand. Gee, could it because of changing exchange rates - a rising RMB, they were seeking an opportunity to tip the trade deficit back in their favor? Be a lender to the U.S., keep up the value of the USD, and in effect, keeping their exports relatively cheap. Be a major lender to the U.S., seek opportunity to control U.S. fiscal policy? That's just my way of saying everybody's at fault, we all contributed to the mess. But what the hell do I know? Honestly, I know jack squat and that's the painful truth.

Besides, unemployment rates are still high, last I checked. Truthfully, it's not that often, because it's depressing and I'd rather just have that little factoid in the back of my mind, sort of in a remote kind of way. Like how the U.S. kept the idea of World War II in a remote state of mind, because the majority of people didn't really want to get involved, until Japan sucked the U.S. in with some Pearl Harbor action.

For those who are employed, the gender wage gap may converge due to the Paycheck Fairness Act. Now I honestly don't really know what that is, except that it was not passed by Senate in Q4 2010?! To me, this screams regression. Is it or is not the goal of the free country to fight for equal rights?

http://www.pay-equity.org/
Aside from women getting screwed over, that's old news. Yes it is unfair to get paid less for doing the same job with the same experience, et cetera et cetera. Life isn't fair and it never has been, but the point is, we hope for improvement, because without hope, we'd all give up and complain to no end. (Wait, most of us do just sit on our asses and complain.)

Now, in a different sense, I think it's really difficult to put together a compensation package for any one person, even if you know the standard salary for a certain position. You have to look at a person's background, experience, competence level, and it all ties into commitment level. How long do you think this employee will stay at the job? That affects how much the raise will be. all my opinions, I don't really know what a business mgr or hr mgr really thinks of. They probably go by the book, and go off a checklist. It's so corporate to fit everything in a neat, tidy box.

How can someone managing a large team, in a busy city, demand heavily trafficky, et cetera, get the same compensation as someone whose work is not as high in demand, in a quieter town, and probably lives life in a lower stress environment? i.e. store mgr. in L.A. versus store mgr. in I don't know somewhere that's not a big cityish hub.

Since I can't seem to stay on one topic. Because it's all related, one way or another, everything is all connected. One topic brings me to another.

Cheap Chinese Labor - we love it. Some may complain, but come on? Where would we be without it? I think I'd end up naked. No just kidding, well I hope not, but surely my wardrobe would be a fraction of what it is now.

Is it just me or is apparel getting cheaper? Take for example, disposable fashion retailers. Forever21, say what you want about it, I'm sure something you own is from there. Most of their inventory is dirt cheap and that's what we love about it. I think it's even gotten cheaper. I remember when tank tops were 2 for $9. Now they're like $2.50 each or something like that. My recent purchases from there have a lot of Asian writing on the tags, like how to care for this item, and yadda yadda. That might not mean anything. Still, they have obviously expanded. Forever21 shops are everywhere, and they are now global, even in Asia. I know their products were originally mostly made in China, but since it's gotten even cheapER, I was wondering if maybe Forever21 has started picking up suppliers in Asia, which might be the cause of their cheapening inventory. Just a thought...

And....
my gosh I've had my eyes on these Yves Saint Laurent Tribute sandals for a couple years now. I know a while back, there were copies of these everywhere including, Steve Madden, debshops.com, et cetera et cetera. In fact, I think Steve Madden has one right now...

http://www.stevemadden.com/Item.aspx?id=51442&np=127_282-428_390
It's not an excellent copy. The ankle strap doesn't start with a twist. The platform in the front has a different shape. It just seems to have a different vibe, whereas the original is gorgeous in comparison.

Now I know I have enough shoes and I definitely do not need these sandals, but it's fun to have shoe eye candy and the knockoffs are fun to look for.

Copies may be harmful to the original designer who put all that work into creating a beautiful piece of art. It's just not fair that some other manufacturer is cranking them out at a fraction of the cost and taking larger fraction of the market share. But who's the real victim when the retail price is around $600?

Tomorrow is Friday. oh thank goodness.

boys have bouts of immaturity

Sometimes I think my boyfriend is immature. It kind of annoys me, but it's very probable that any change is impossible. If he were to change, that would probably set off a chain reaction into a downward spiral. That's why I think it's best for me to just vent it out instead of trying to change him. You should never try to change your significant other. It's just not a good idea. It's like one of the laws of nature.

So there are times when I am talking, but he is either not listening, or thinking of something else, or getting ready to talk about something he wants to talk about. I don't know...but I've always thought it was plain simple common sense to ... listen when I'm talking, wait for me to finish talking, and then respond... you know, as in having a conversation, duh. and I would do the same in the reverse situation, of course. So I am in the middle of asking a question, he interrupts me with one of his questions. Sometimes, as I am in the middle of speaking, he bursts into song, usually singing along with the radio. what the ...?? HELLO, I WAS TALKING! LISTEN!!! Efforts of constructing a conversation wasted.

Kicking me in the ass in Target...errrggghhh (screams in head!)! Ow that hurt and what the heck was that for? Meant to have a humorous effect on me? -_- I'm not without a sense of humor, but that was completely lost on me. I proceeded to punch him several times in the stomach. My bouts of violence were probably much more heinous than his bout of immaturity, but oh well, my instance of a downward spiral. or maybe I've just been stressed and that was igniting it all, like the straw that broke the camel's back or something. But he didn't seem bothered, was still entertained by the whole episode.

Most of the time, he's pretty clairvoyant about how I feel and I don't need to tell him if I'm sad or angry. He's always sweet, caring, and fun. But then there are times when he just has no clue what I'm feeling or thinking. Again, it's probably just me being moody. The interrupting me bit I could do without.
But I don't think I could do without him. Damn...

Who did it first?

The Stunning Rhinestone Chiffon Dress on the top is from Forever21 (34.80) and the All Over Rhinestone Cami on the bottom is from Wetseal (26.50).

They're practically identical, except maybe the one from Forever21 is a looser fit. Still, it costs about 30% more for basically the same product.

I just thought this was interesting when I noticed it.

Things Me + Boyfriend Say 08152010

me: baby, what's falling in love like?
Him: the greatest thing in the world
me: really? or are you being your usual goofy self?
Him: nope
me: with me?

or is it the same feeling every time?
Him: not the same at all
me: oh
Him: how could i love you like i love someone else?

i want to treat you the best

8)

____________________________________________________

Him: how's it loving me?

me: gripping
Him: gripeing?

.... doh

random stuff

Salvation Army and Goodwill don't do pick-ups for small items, even though I mentioned I have about 3 pairs of shoes and some clothes, but oh well...not a big deal.

I like ....

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream

Iyaz - So Big

Jason Derulo - Ridin Solo

Taio Cruz - Dynamite

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are

Usher - DJ Got Us Fallin In Love Again

Far East Movement - Like a G6

Flo Rida - Club Can't Handle Me

and others...

no particular order, I don't really like the messages sent out by all the songs, but they're nice to sing along to, and that usually makes me happy.

new dream - to live past the fog line.

tone up

appreciate what I've got, what I have, what I've had, and all that will come

Craptastic World Around Us

Oil spill around the gulf. Tragic, yes. I wish I cared more. This is the country I live in and it was a tragedy. But so are all other tragedies. Yet I feel jaded towards natural disasters lately. The commonality of them makes me feel like it's just another day, another headline, another event passing me by. I worry I'm taking it for granted how lucky I am that with everything crumbling in front of us and around us, it has yet to really strike me and the people around me.

Those massive earthquakes, especially the ones close to family in China (sometime last year), didn't hurt anyone I know. and I just become more jaded. I know I'm not untouchable in the face of disaster. It can strike anywhere, but I'm just a little disappointed that I care so little.

So I'm constantly coming across literary works that tell me to stay away from ahi, eat wild, not farm-raised (even though there are upsides and downsides to both types of cultivated fish). Don't microwave plastics, volatility of plastics when in presence of heat --> you eat plastic, and it imitates estrogen in your body, blah blah, leads to weight gain. I wonder if it has had any effect on me as I have microwaved plastic for all the many lunches and foods I have packed everywhere. I'm sure that when I eat out, it contributes more towards my weight gain than microwaving plastics over a long period of time.

I'll just keep doing what I do; stay away from chips, soda, bacon, etc. (those are most of the crappy foods that I don't like.) Craptastic foods I do like: ice cream, cake, chocolates, ribs, wings, canned stuff, muffins (so much hydrogenated fats). ugh, so delicious, and I am so...weak to succumb to it. So my plan to jog at least once a week is ... slow but steady I guess, I wish I had more energy after work, but btw taking a nauseating train ride home and falling asleep half the time, missing my bus stop, freezing my butt off, passing through a fog line, I just feel so... lacking of energy, motivation, and ... yadda yadda, excuses, excuses!

Monday is like Doomsday. I'm scared. I know that what's done is done. The results will come out and that's it. If I pass, great (which would really be a miracle.) I think I failed. I will try again. >_<>

Work has had its ups and downs. More boredom, thirsty for a challenge. I need/want to learn something, or relearn something I forgot in the past. Grateful for what new things I have learned once in a blue moon.

Hrm what else? Oh yeah, the media is very disappointing, ahem fox network for distorting miss sherrod's speech, disappointed in white house termination of Sherrod's job. Total lack of respect for employees, lack of respect for due diligence. What happened to innocent until proven guilty? What about all the guilty believed to be innocent because of lack of sufficient evidence? I feel like I'm always losing faith in everything, like legal systems, media, higher education, and the idea that hard work reaps benefits. Okay I'm done rambling.

Notes to self: eat healthier, more exercise, more study, SLEEP EARLIER,

I want a vacation so badly.

Things Me + Boyfriend Say 07232010

Ok...so this started off as a joke, but the more we discussed it, the more it seemed like a genius idea. here we go. a little something...corny and a little something ... silly...

him: I really like you

me: ok..

him: do you like me too?

me: kind of... maybe... ok yeah... isn't it obvious?

him: yeah

months later:

him: remember when I asked if you like me?

me: nope don't remember (I lie.)

him: and you said 'well what do you think?'

me: I don't think so.

him: oh yes you did (fake French laugh).

him: I think about you

me: what about me?

him: how pretty your face is...how nice your body is.

song on radio: I forget which one

him: *singing along*

radio: high notes come along

me: don't do the falsetto part!

him: *aaahh* (falsetto)

me: fine, don't listen to what I say

him: you mean you don't like my perfect falsetto voice?

oy vey, my poor ears =]

Last week I was depressed and wrote something depressing that I couldn't bear to read, so I erased it.

Today I'm pondering the visual aesthetics of a blueberry muffin. So usually mold looks like ... well kind of like a fuzzy bruise, in my opinion. So when your blueberry muffin is trapped with too much moisture and starts to get moldy, it's a little hard to differentiate between the moldy parts and the blueberries. Just something that has bugged me for a long time. It's the only muffin that I like. Other muffins are okay, I guess.

Other thoughts, I shall not take 4 hour naps when I come home from work. In fact, napping that long at all is not a good idea. It's really screwing me up. I should really wear myself out around 9 pm, so I can fall asleep and get up long before the crack of dawn. yay... is me...

This sucktastic summer weather is making me annoyed. I'm sitting here wearing two sweaters and knee-high socks under my pants and I'm still feeling chilly. Can I please have a little heat?

I DO NOT like being cold.

and...so, the more I learn, the less I know. Knowledge is just flying out of my ears. What I wouldn't give to be on a beach right now. oh, and a sunny one too.

asl;dkfj;adfja;lskdfjal;skdfja;lskdjal;skdfjal;ksdjal;sdfj

I have had enough of people pmsing at me. ridiculous

Work has been so slow. I thought I was going out of my mind with boredom, but I'm really liking how slow it is right now. I'm now dead sure it's the calm before the storm.
Even though this last half of the week has been winding down, I still haven't gotten much sleep. Typical me. When will I ever learn? Never of course, because my stubbornness wins over my ... well... everything else haha.

So The Karate Kid was a pretty good movie. I enjoyed it. Now we've got stereotypes and new stereotypes. "It's China, everybody knows kung fu." That line had me chuckling. Be warned, world. Mean streets of the world - Brooklyn, Detroit, Compton, and now...Beijing. The bits and pieces of humor injected into what looks like a physically painful time for Jaden Smith (or his stunt doubles) really lightens the mood and makes it a relaxing movie to watch. Some parts of it just needed more of an explanation. So they move to China because the mom got relocated, a little bit farfetched and unrealistic. In fact, the maternal character could have lifted right out of the story. The storyline practically made her out to be a prop.
In the end, the antagonist turns over a new leaf and hands over the trophy to Dre. Too much of a cut-t0-the-finish happy ending. Other things I was disappointed with are...
I totally thought that Mr. Han and the crazy karate master guy had some sort of complicated past, but turns out there's no relation. Ergo, I'm a little confused about why Mr. Han seemed fearful of the other dude, and him simply being afraid due to how the karate instructor treats his kids is too simplistic of a reason.
so yeah just a few of what seem like holes in the plot bothered me a bit, but only if I overthink things as I usually do. Overall, it was a very good feel-good type of movie. In fact, I'd say this remake is better than some of the other Karate Kid remakes.

On a separate note, I feel like I'm starting to slip into work, come home, do nothing, fall asleep routine. I'm not forcing myself to make time for other things that are important to me. So I need to force myself to sleep earlier so I'll have more energy and force myself to be less lazy. Yep...pretty lame

So I recently caught an episode of Secret Life of a Pregnant Teenager or whatever it's called. I've heard reviews of it in a good light. Stuff about how it portrays real teenage problems, so that young viewers know how to make good decisions. I've got to say I feel like that's a huge load of crap. The teen mom, um what's her name? and the teen dad need a mediator to decide weekend custody of the kid. It's purely simple in my mind. If they can't be together with the kid, it ought to be 50/50, easy as that. I don't understand how she came to be such a drama queen over the issue. The parents are a little too involved in their kids' sex lives. Kind of creeps me out. Maybe I'm old-fashioned about that, but some things aren't meant to be shared. It's also very creepy the parents are so supportive of sex in their kids' lives. Well, not supportive, but more... laissez-faire about the whole thing. Whatever, it's weird... Plus, it seems like there's way too much partner exchanging in this show, whether it be casual dating, casual sex, serious relationships. Every member of the cast has dated or been with another member of the cast who is of the opposite sex. I guess all sitcoms are like that, but this one in particular seems a bit ridiculous and lame. That's just my opinion. This one red-head and the blonde jock-looking guy seem like a nice young couple. Somehow the show makes it seem like it's a norm for a gift to be presented after the words "I love you" are exchanged. That doesn't sound right to me. In fact, it's a little wrong, like a bargaining chip or something. So yeah, I'm just rambling about how I don't really like the messages this show sends out.

As for teen pregnancy in itself, I don't support it. Teenagers are usually not mature enough to be able to care for someone else and probably not mature enough to handle sex or intimacy altogether. However, to say that a teenager shouldn't have kids so young, because they need to focus on school and they have their whole lives ahead of them. That's kind of a wash. When is there a time in someone's life when one is conveniently ready, capable, and has plenty of time to devote to a new child? Nowadays, everybody is always busy with something going on in their lives. There's always the traditional stay-at-home wife/mother who devotes her life to her family and children. But on the other hand, most grown-ups now are trying to juggle a career and a personal life and everything in between and all over the place. To decide when is the right time to have kids is when someone has the desire to make the sacrifices to rearrange and make lifestyle changes and looks forward to inconveniences and stress and challenges of parenthood.

Hrm....what else has been on my mind lately?

Oh yeah, plans I had set out for myself a few months ago...

So ... took the test last week, I'm a little afraid to utter the name of it, because I'm so scared I failed. I really really think so. I can go on making excuses for myself about how hard it is to work all the time and study when I'm not working and the rough hours, waking up long before the sun is up. In the end, if I fail, it's on me, I just didn't make it to the other side. I keep telling myself it's okay. I should just keep on studying. So what if I have to shell out more money? Money comes and goes. If it's a good investment, the cost is well worth it. I'll just have to try again in December.

Aside from that, I'm not so sure what my next step is. I mean I just started this job and I am committed to it, but I don't know where to go from there. I don't want to be a Research Assistant forever. It is quite a lot of babysitting. I do like it. Some of the people have been very welcoming and supportive. I say 'some,' because others are just...completely (fill in the blank). Anyways, I just am not sure what else I can do. I wanted a masters' degree, but I feel completely underqualified for an MFE and not passionate enough about an MBA. Well I'll mull it over for the time being and hopefully I'll figure it out. People say I'm young and I'll figure it out. I'm more afraid that I'm not getting any younger and time is fleeting. Once it's gone, it's gone. So ... there's that.

This past week, it's just been work and after work, I go home and take it easy. Feels good after the past couple of weekends of high stress and running around lost and confused. Last Saturday was a bit rough. 8 hours at Fort Mason, then going to the office, but that's okay. Other people have it way worse and the comfort of having a steady stream of income. There is no way I'm taking that for granted. I do joke about writing memoirs of a corporate slave. That's just the dry humor in me. Oh yeah, I need to figure out exactly what is up with the mid-year review process...thing. Oh it's nice and sunny today, puts a smile on my face, but it's pretty windy right now. Slept with the window open to get a nice breeze going, but I can feel the wind really going at it now. It's not bad. Checked weather.com and it's about 14 mph. A little bummed, because the past couple of weekends were nice and sunny and now they're gone.

As for living at home, oh my gosh, it just does not seem fair to me to put away 30% of my paycheck to the parentals. I mean, come on, their mortgage is only about $900/month, less than a studio in the city. Plus, the little garage apartment only goes for around $700/month and they have pretty much a full set-up, even though it's a rather small set-up. I don't know. I'm not trying to be a selfish mooch living at home. I'm willing to contribute, but I just was hoping to put away a little nest egg before then. I'll figure it out. Yes I know they're not asking for much. It's more expensive to live on my own. It's not just rent to consider. There's PGE, water, utilities, internet, food, heat....the list goes on and on...

AND I am now debt-free. YAY! Ok I only took out one small student-loan and my lovely mama and baba helped me out with the remainder of that. I recently paid them all back. So one less thing to worry about. Makes me a happy girl.

Interesting story at the bank. For some reason, I decided to pay them back all in cash. I could have written them a check, but I don't know. In case my parents get audited for unreported income or something haha. But also a big wad of cash just gives for nice effect. So the two of them took that to B of A. Since I opened my B of A account in 2005 I think, I have never had any problems with them. So my parents took that cash to the bank to deposit and then the teller found a counterfeit $10. No biggie, it's just ten bucks. I personally thought it was a cool novelty item, but the bank had to render it as a piece of whatever that they need to hold on to and report to and send to whoever deals with counterfeit bills. I really wonder how that bill landed in my hands, but whatever, I'm over it. Second thing is the teller miscalculated the deposit amount by about $1000 credit. My parents walked away like ok we did nothing wrong, works in our favor. Then guilt took over, they went back to the bank to tell the bank manager that they think it might be a miscalculation on their part, yadda yadda yadda, got that sorted out.
Conversation went something like this:

Dad: uhh are you guys short in balances today?

Mgr: yeah actually we are

Dad: by how much?

Mgr: seems like about 1000

Dad explains that it might be an incorrect record of deposit to their account and he tried to phrase his wording to make himself sound like the innocent party. And he was innocent in all of that. So yeah they corrected that the following business day.

I thought that was hilarious. Really ridiculous and incompetent factor actually. First of all, the teller could have been more careful, but it was an honest mistake. The bank manager, I honestly believe was an idiot for dispensing that kind of information to the public. I mean, what if it got into the hands of an investor or someone? You just don't say these kinds of things to the public, even if you're one penny short. It's nobody else's business and it's just not a diplomatic thing to do.

Let's see...things I need to do. I'll run through my head and make a little to-do list.

1. Get ATT corporate discount set up. Hrm...Do I want a new phone? I don't want to put away money for a data plan. It'd be useful, but..I'd rather not spend that.

2. Choose a primary care dentist.

3. Set up my 401k.

4. Grocery shopping - need some snackety things for the office and sandwich or salad fixings.

5. Upgrade my checking account...get United miles? I need to speak to banker and figure out if employees get anything different than any other account holder.

6. I'm pretty sure there was more, but I'll let it come to me.

Oh I sort of want to get a sewing machine. No I've never used one, but how hard could it be? I will definitely eat my words later, but I think I might enjoy it or let it drive me crazy. Either way, I foresee a new hobby in the future.

Hrm, I had other things on my mind, but I guess it wasn't that important if it slipped my mind.

Lastly, the shopaholic side of me has taken over. I acquired a bout of inexpensive items, because that's just what I do. Buy inexpensive things in pretty big quantities, so the costs do add up, unfortunately. I think I did quite a few online orders, because I was able to get free shipping. Guilty pleasure of mine. I'm really happy with most of my purchases, but I might return a pair of shoes, because they're too big. So yeah, did a little bit of splurging. I am a girl after all...couldn't help myself =\. Hrm, maybe I need to put down a record of what I buy, so I can track my spending, or just so I can see pictures of what I own.

Now I'll go get something to eat and clean up the sty I live in. I really need to be neater. I really need to be more on top of things in general, actually. I'm constantly reminded of how I'm not a kid anymore, but I still feel like a kid and forever I shall stay that way.

I used to use this as an outlet to whine or complain or both, because I felt overwhelmed. Gosh so much has changed since then. It's not like now I'm blissfully content and I don't need to spill my guts out in print anymore. Sometimes I think something and I feel like I should write it down, but not before I get caught up in how fast life moves by and how quickly I knock out when I need to stay awake and how much it sucks that I can't fall asleep when I desperately need to sleep.

another day, another step

day 1 - enter lobby, pitch dark outside, still have headphones on, and it's Owl City - This is the future. How very befitting for the first day of work in a pristine, corporate building.

ugh this is going to eat me alive. stupid multi-line telephone

haha ugghhh I need to move outtt

I am awake at 9am on a Saturday. I'm searching Craigslist for a job. Must be force of habit. How weird is that?

I have a job that will bury me. I am so excited. and nervous. and excited. and frightened.

What a strange journey it's been. I'm lucky for what I have, I'm lucky to have met the people I met along the way.

Goodbye hair.

Love is a four-letter word that I don't often believe in. But sometimes I might let my feelings get the best of me and then I start to think otherwise.

I do believe that sometimes emotions bubble up and spill over the top, like unsightly fatty folds of flesh that topple over the top of pants that don't fit. So these feelings are hard to hold on, until you can't hold them in anymore and the words just fly out of your mouth. Just 3 words and once they're out there, you can't take them back. That happens to everyone, I guess, at some point in their lives. But what's important is how you feel once those words escape your lips. If there's a feeling of relief and resolute...happiness, if you will, then maybe it was the right choice to utter those 3 words. I guess, in that case, you feel glad to have finally shared what you could no longer hide. On the other hand, if you feel unsure or guilty, then you're in trouble.

I've decided I am happy with my life right now.

I want and need and wish for a lot more than what I have. But in general, I am happy today. Well, I'm happy at this moment. I'm warm and content. Tomorrow, I may feel stressed about a million things. For now, I'm grateful for what I have and who I am with, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

March twenty-fifth won't be a day I soon forget.

2012 was a depressingly dramatic or dramatically depressing movie.

If the world ends tomorrow, I just want to know that someone does have that bubbling feeling that can't be held inside and feels that way about me.

I'm a big girl. I don't believe in fairy tales. I'm also quite negative and I worry too much. But I've accepted that about myself.

I believe in myself. I'll be successful one day. I'll make it on my own. Perhaps my diploma could be traded for a candy bar. -_- mmm chocolate

I'm random as always.

I thought that living at home would be boring. and it is. and I can't wait to get out of here. But I don't actually feel bored. I feel the crushing weight of stress, and a series of things happening to me that I cannot control. Is there a lesson in all this? I get it, I can't always get what I want. Now, can I please have something good happen to me? I'm tired of chasing after things I lose, but they are just material things.

Dear Cellphone,

I miss you so. I didn't realize how much I liked a touchscreen phone. I didn't find typing difficult at all. I hope you and Mr. Micro SD Card are well. I'm sorry I was absentminded and lost you somewhere. Hopefully you fall into some kind stranger's hands who will somehow find it possible to return it to me.

Mr. LGShine, you are a very adequate substitute, but I miss what I had.

I gotta stop being so harebrained. I'm way too scattered.

Other things out of my control...it's just really unprofessional to offer a job and take it away. It's also unethical right? So no matter how long this stupid process takes, I should be patient and wait it out, because it's all part of my growing up.

Things just keep getting weirder and weirder. Can I please get some stability? I wonder if 'weirder' is a word.

I recall much of what I've been through seems to be what I'm going through right now. Deja vu. The familiarity of the feelings, emotions, even the sequence of events is starting to freak me out. I start to wonder if what I'm doing is ... right for me? Or maybe I'm getting carried away...again. How am I supposed to know the difference?

If things were a little different, I think I'd do fine on my own. A guy is not necessary.

But who knows? Somehow, things turned out this way.

Why am I going down the same road I went down years ago? or am I? Is it always like this? or is it always like this with me?

Dear Xanga and Blogger,
Thank you for providing me an outlet to relieve my frustrations. I've never been able to keep a journal or diary or whatever. Every time I tried I ended up losing interest, because it got boring. But with this, I feel like I don't lose interest in putting my thoughts down, for now at least. I hope I keep it up, because it's nice to see where I've been and what I've gone through.
As for New Year's resolutions:
1) I need to stop being so absentminded. If I try to be a neater person, then maybe I'll be better at holding onto my stuff. I am very sad about losing my camera, because it was my birthday present for when I turned 19 from my parents. I can't believe I only managed to hold onto it for 3 years. I was just using it yesterday and it seems I most likely lost it in In n Out. I'm pretty mad at myself about it. Even though it's not the best camera out there and the 6MP point-and-shoot is definitely outdated technology, it definitely holds sentimental value to me. I remember using it for nearly all of my special occasions and vacations and outings or whatever. It most likely fell into some unsavory character's hands and they're making use of my device now. I'm also sad, because I have an MS Pro Duo USB reader, which has now been rendered useless, as well as the battery chargers and car charger. I am mostly sad about losing the camera carrying case, because it was so versatile for carrying most hand-held-sized electronics and because my mom bought it for me from China, so it was definitely a good bargain. I'm usually saddest about losing things that are good deals.
So now, on top of all the other important things I need to pay for, I need to buy myself a new camera. Ok, not really NEED, but I want a new one and I guess I was due for a new one anyway. Or that's just what I tell myself to get over this little mini-tragedy of mine. I hope I find a good deal on the Canon S90. I'm not willing to pay $400 for a camera. I'm not a professional photographer. I am still praying that my Sony DSC-W50 finds its way back to me. Most of all, I wish I would stop being so absentminded and be able to hold onto my property. I blame my mom for passing on her harebrainededness to me. I blame myself more, because I need to be more responsible with my stuff! I get sad about losing stuff no matter what it is and I feel happy about holding onto stuff for a long time. I've had my red Jansport backpack since I was in the 5th grade and that makes me feel proud of myself, because I didn't lose it and it's still in workable condition. I wish I could keep all useful things and not end up losing them, because it saves me a lot of money and it makes me less of an absentminded idiot. Losing gifts make me feel bad. Every gift has some sort of a story and contains history. Losing pieces of my past makes me worry that I'll eventually forget everything I've been through. As for everything else, it's all clutter and I'm going through a long-term process of getting rid of STUFF.
2) Be more diligent about goals. Stop slacking off!
3) Maintain a regular exercise regimen. Maybe I'll go to the gym and swim every other day and try jogging when it's sunny. A few push-ups and crunches, here and there.
4) Focus my energy on MYSELF and not so much on what could have been, what might have been or why things couldn't have been. Whatever, I'm young. This is the time to be selfish, or if I were to sugarcoat it, focus on myself and be 'independent.' It's all about using the right words to twist situations in our own favors.
Besides, why make someone a priority when they only consider you an option? I think I'm worth more than that. I mean, I AM worth more than that.

I want it all and I hope I get it someday.

2010 baby

so a 2009 recap:
I started off this year very unsure of myself. I kind of knew I would graduate early, because I was running out of classes to take, but I thought MAYBE...just maybe I might stay in school longer because I had no plans for what I would do afterwards. Then the idea of not having to sign another lease in cowtown was far too appealing for me to pass up. That is like saving $6000, at the very least. So, in the beginning of Spring Quarter, I was more sure of what would happen with the remainder of my undergrad career. I filed those papers for summer graduate and spring commencements.
I guess I was so unsure of myself, because I knew that I still had quite a few classes to take before I'd be done with my major and taking on two minors didn't really help my situation. Since I'm a very determined person, or stubborn - depends how you look at it, I decided to try to take on 5 classes in Winter Quarter, for the first time in college. I knew that I could survive it, but I didn't want to kill myself and end up killing my GPA. Still hesitant because I had never taken more than 4 classes in college before, but more stubborn than hesitant, I decided to go for it and I actually ended up with all A's. It wasn't that hard because Travis basically gave me all the answer keys to the ARE 143 Investments class. Nut 10 was a breeze, but for some reason I actually ended up studying a lot for the class, even though Travis also gave me the old final, which was very much like having the answer key to the final I took. I'm glad I took Nut 10 seriously. I did learn a lot about living and eating right.
I was a little more sure of myself in Spring Quarter, academically at least. I remember I could't figure out what class to take to finish my Chinese minor. So I signed up for some Asian art history class and Modern Chinese literature class. They both sounded equally interesting and also irritating. So there I was with...6 classes? I think 4 or 5 of them were tues/thurs classes. So for the first week, I was trying to figure out which class to drop and I ended up going to school from 9am - 8pm. Eventually I dropped the art history class, freeing up my schedule a little bit.
So, there I was, my last Spring Quarter at Davis. I was taking 20 units and I did the Morgan Stanley internship in Sac that practically everyone does. I only wanted to put a line on my resume. I really don't think I gained any valuable experience or learned anything useful, but whatever. That was when I met Jerad, who ended up driving us to Sac every Wednesday. How nice of him. If I didn't live one block away from him, I'd feel more guilty about it.
Wendy and I started bonding and we decided to go to "study" abroad in France. If she hadn't been so adamant about it, I wonder if I still would have went. I'd like to think that I'm independent and I go after what I want, but I'm really not so sure I'd still hike my ass across the world on my own. Still, I had wanted to go to Europe for a long time.
It wasn't that long ago that Eric and I were considering going to Italy for Fall Semester 2009. I think we both knew that was a far-fetched idea that would not pan out. So when I decided I was going without him, I knew he wouldn't be happy about it, but I just didn't really care anymore. I wasn't even feeling guilty anymore. It was something I had wanted for a while and I was finally deciding to go through with it. I just wanted him to say that he'd miss me and be happy for me. Is that really so much to ask for? I guess I didn't care anymore, because I never really felt like he supported me in what I wanted to do. If I went somewhere without him, he said he felt left out. If I were to socialize with the opposite sex, he gave off a suspicious vibe. That was so weird, because I never gave any indication that I was the cheating type. When I mentioned graduating a year early, he turned the conversation around back to him, complaining about how overcrowded SFSU is, preventing him from graduating early. I never knew why he was so adamant about getting out early, forcing himself to take on heavy course loads while working over 30 hours a week. I understood that he was insistent about moving away from his unhappy situation at home, but sometimes I felt like he was just trying to compete with me. I hate competition, especially when it's against someone you're supposedly really close to. It sort of ruins the relationship. Oh yeah, when I told him I was going to France, he reacted in a negative way. I expected that. After he got over his initial anger, he told me he was going to grad school immediately after college. I was surprised, a little jealous and upset, because we had discussed going to the same grad school together. I should have known that planning too far in advance never pans out. I was also sort of doubtful of his proclamation, because even though he's had a few years of professional work experience, something I gave up, when I decided to go to Davis, the land of lack of opportunity (as far as business goes), I was sort of doubtful, because he didn't really have any experience outside of administrative duties. I didn't tell him this, because I'd sound very un-supportive. When I told him how disappointed I was about not going to school together, he suggested that I follow him to grad school, and work before applying to grad school myself. This was like the most...ludicrous idea I had ever heard. I would never, in a million years, imagine myself following a guy instead of pursuing my own goals. So that was when we started to fall apart, I guess. Anyway, our so-called solid relationship has disintegrated now and we haven't been in each other's lives for months, so broken plans and memories of the past really don't matter anymore.
Hrm...what else happened?
Within the last few months of school, I got really close to some people, mostly the people I took classes with and the people I lived with and those I occasionally reunited with and/or met at MS. I'd rather not name them, because I know I'll go off on a tangent...and also because I hope I'm a good enough person that I'll remember them without having to put it in print. At the same time, I also drifted apart from some people. I guess that will always happen. It's hard to make an effort to see everyone frequently. A lot of times, people walk in and out of our lives. I'm not going to get too sad about it, because there's not much I can do about it. Distance makes people grow apart.
So...I filed for commencements after I discussed it with my parents. I felt like they should have a say in how I end my undergraduate career. Much to my surprise, they actually insisted that I participate in the ceremony. I was like '...uhh what? you guys actually want to drive up to Davis in the summer? Sit in some crappy pavilion when I just walk across the stage for 2 seconds?' The parentals actually said something profound. This doesn't happen very often, so I think I need to recall what they said and write it down, make a record of it happening. I think my parents said that every milestone or achievement should be celebrated, because they're important. Okay I don't really remember, because it happened months ago and I'm loosely translating whatever the hell they said to me. I actually really didn't want to go through with it, because I really didn't think anybody would show up to see me graduate. Also, because I think my parents are super embarrassing. It's like they are not aware that they're belligerent behavior is not acceptable in public. They can also be pretty ignorant of how to follow procedures. I feel like I always have to direct them to where they have to go and what to do...blah. Lastly, I just really didn't want to have to waste my time to rent a cap and gown for $30 to wear for 2 hours and get commencement tickets. The night before commencements, Jovita said 'But all of that crap has been done and all that's left is for you to enjoy it.' I don't know if I actually enjoyed it, but I'm glad it's over. My parents did drive me crazy on that day. It's over. whoop dee doo.
So after the ceremony, I had 3 weeks of break. Then I went to France. I came back to Davis for SSII to take one class, moved out of my apartment, worked at a shitty place for two months, broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 5 years. Then I was a bum for nearly 2 months and something very strange and wonderful developed with the most unlikeliest of people. (=]).
I also sent out my resume to the world. I'm glad I finally got hired. This is in no way, whatsoever, my dream job, but at least it's a start. I'll be glad to be working soon.
New year, new job, new life. I'm not saying that things are finally turning around and I'm ecstatic about life right now. But things seem to be looking up. I'm going to try to appreciate it and not take anything for granted. I said 'try,' because it's hard to remember EVERYTHING that goes on in a day, much less a lifetime. I'm going to put my efforts into moving on and building a foundation for my future. Looking back makes me think that 2009 was one of my more crazy years. Seems appropriate as it was rather a crazy year for the nation, and the universe as a whole. Like that song says...'It's a brand new da-ay.' 2010 looks promising. Here's to a new year of hopes, goals, growing up, maturing and all that good shit.