sometimes i wonder why parents exist. to drive their child(ren) nuts. so the maternal parental unit claims I should go study abroad, it's for my own good, yadda yadda yadda, how can I not take control of my own future? nay, she begins her tirade, screaming at me for not doing more with my life, demanding to know what the hell I plan to do after graduation. BLAH BLAH BLAH she claims she doesn't want me to end up like her, well given her occupational history of a series of meaningless odd jobs and lay-offs, why would I, let alone, anyone in the world, want to end up like her? not to mention the constant bickering she does with the paternal parental unit. Now, I know that at the time she was demanding I travel abroad just because she had recently been laid off, so she was taking it all out on me, just looking for a reason to scream and bicker with me, for no good reason, demanding I must take control of my future. SO RIDICULOUS.
now that I am just a few months away from actually TRAVELING ABROAD, she claims to be shocked at how expensive these costs are. I swear she is a child. She challenges me, claiming that these study abroad programs are only for students to go play. well, obviously, they are! and she asks me if I really HAVE TO GO. at this point, I have already shelled out the $300 deposit, I inform her, so I ask, no I demand that both parental units must make a decision immediately make a decision, before we have to pay anymore fees. Of course, they don't intend to make any decision, but they say I need to decide for myself, which is what I've been doing my whole life. If that is indeed the plan that we're going to go with, then why must they fight me along every single step? It is so aggravating, sometimes I wish my parents acted like adults!
Of course, I can't openly yell and scream like I want to on the inside, but I must try to remain as civil as I can without exploding, because these are the people who have raised me, given me life, helped me get through college, WHATEVER. I am still entitled to how I feel right now, which is pure irritation.
I suppose if I decide to actually cancel this summer program, I can graduate 1 month earlier, if I take an earlier summer session to complete my major requirements. It's expensive, of course it is. How could anyone not expect that?? It would certainly make the boyfriend happy to know that I won't be going anywhere, because I won't be able to do something I had really wanted to do. since when am I supposed to make decisions for myself, based on other people's happiness?
Furthermore, practically everyone already knows I had intended to go away this summer. It would be a monumental disappoint for me to have to inform those around me that I am, in fact, not going anywhere, like I had wanted to, that's another stupid reason, of course it is, but that's how I feel. one of those disappointments that you don't want the world to know about, but you're forced to let them know about it. It's especially aggravating when I can't even back this up with a good reason. I would have to simply explain that my parents changed their mind, but why?? HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW WHY? and HOW THE FUCK CAN I KNOW HOW MY PARENTS DECIDE ANYTHING? the idiots they are...
You know what? I think I have already made my decision, long ago. This is something I had always wanted to do. I put the process in motion and if I really want to, I will just have to take out a small fortune of a loan, and pay it off after I graduate. I am a humble person, and I am willing to work minimum wage to pay off that loan if I have to. However, I sure hope that that is not the predicament that I will have to be stuck in after I earn a degree. That would be the largest disappointment of all. I don't see how anything could be more disappointing than that.
I can't be dragged in opposite decisions based on what other people think. That's going to happen the rest of my life, so why even let it bother me?

almost time to get back to responsibility. just when i think this time around, I've given myself a lighter load, I tend to drift towards more challenges. maybe that's just my nature. free time is overrated anyway.
right now, I feel like there are things I want, but things that shouldn't really be important to me. I guess, what I mean is, I'm shallow, selfish, and possibly greedy. It's not enough for me to have just one internship that looks good on my record, but I also need one for money. Of course I need money, who doesn't? With graduation just right around the corner, and a bunch of expenses I have yet to cover, I don't know what I want to do or what I should do. Of course I think i am capable of paying off a small loan on my own. Do I want to? Do I need to? It's just yet another thing on the list of things to tackle.
Rent the cap and gown, just place the order already, what am I waiting for? What's stopping me? Compared to everything else, this measly thirty or so bucks is nothing, but every time I'm about to place the order, I feel like...'ehh not yet, it can wait.'

The greedy side of me has a shoe addiction. I thought that it hasn't been that bad recently, but it's getting warmer, I am drifting towards the new creations this season has to offer. I've sort of been looking for wraparound boots to wear before the summer rolls in, but I can't seem to find the right pair that I want. I've also been looking at wedges and flats that may be appropriate for work purposes, and also suitable for everyday wear.
Also, graduating and looking for a job after this summer is just an excuse for me to want to buy stuff, stuff I don't need.
Enough of that, can't touch the what little is left in my bank account.
This summer abroad thing may cost me nearly $8000, hopefully my cheap side can help me cut that down.
a near $1000 for one last class to finish the major this summer. I find that fucking ridiculous, when my tuition per quarter for the regular school year is just a little over $1000. I only need one more class. It makes me so frustrated to think that I can't do anything about that figure.
I know I should let it go, that's the progressive thing to do, but I will always regret taking Personal Finance. Who would have known that it would not count for my major? It's not as if I need 3 useless units? *sighs* what a waste. If it weren't for that waste of a class, I could have taken something else that quarter. Then I would not have to sign up for this one class this summer.
Furthermore, education nowadays is just pure extortion. What the fuck is a campus fee? What the fuck is the point of a clicker? Extortion, that's what. It's not as if the quality of education is keeping up with the increase of fees, even if you factor out the general increase of inflation.
I may have to be reduced to taking out my first student loan. Just wonderful.
Not to mention rent, which I will have to cover for the next few months
$500 x 4 more months = $2000
This estimate comes to a total of $11,000.
Can you say extortion?

Ok I've depressed myself enough for today. Time to shower and get going.