Dear Xanga and Blogger,
Thank you for providing me an outlet to relieve my frustrations. I've never been able to keep a journal or diary or whatever. Every time I tried I ended up losing interest, because it got boring. But with this, I feel like I don't lose interest in putting my thoughts down, for now at least. I hope I keep it up, because it's nice to see where I've been and what I've gone through.
As for New Year's resolutions:
1) I need to stop being so absentminded. If I try to be a neater person, then maybe I'll be better at holding onto my stuff. I am very sad about losing my camera, because it was my birthday present for when I turned 19 from my parents. I can't believe I only managed to hold onto it for 3 years. I was just using it yesterday and it seems I most likely lost it in In n Out. I'm pretty mad at myself about it. Even though it's not the best camera out there and the 6MP point-and-shoot is definitely outdated technology, it definitely holds sentimental value to me. I remember using it for nearly all of my special occasions and vacations and outings or whatever. It most likely fell into some unsavory character's hands and they're making use of my device now. I'm also sad, because I have an MS Pro Duo USB reader, which has now been rendered useless, as well as the battery chargers and car charger. I am mostly sad about losing the camera carrying case, because it was so versatile for carrying most hand-held-sized electronics and because my mom bought it for me from China, so it was definitely a good bargain. I'm usually saddest about losing things that are good deals.
So now, on top of all the other important things I need to pay for, I need to buy myself a new camera. Ok, not really NEED, but I want a new one and I guess I was due for a new one anyway. Or that's just what I tell myself to get over this little mini-tragedy of mine. I hope I find a good deal on the Canon S90. I'm not willing to pay $400 for a camera. I'm not a professional photographer. I am still praying that my Sony DSC-W50 finds its way back to me. Most of all, I wish I would stop being so absentminded and be able to hold onto my property. I blame my mom for passing on her harebrainededness to me. I blame myself more, because I need to be more responsible with my stuff! I get sad about losing stuff no matter what it is and I feel happy about holding onto stuff for a long time. I've had my red Jansport backpack since I was in the 5th grade and that makes me feel proud of myself, because I didn't lose it and it's still in workable condition. I wish I could keep all useful things and not end up losing them, because it saves me a lot of money and it makes me less of an absentminded idiot. Losing gifts make me feel bad. Every gift has some sort of a story and contains history. Losing pieces of my past makes me worry that I'll eventually forget everything I've been through. As for everything else, it's all clutter and I'm going through a long-term process of getting rid of STUFF.
2) Be more diligent about goals. Stop slacking off!
3) Maintain a regular exercise regimen. Maybe I'll go to the gym and swim every other day and try jogging when it's sunny. A few push-ups and crunches, here and there.
4) Focus my energy on MYSELF and not so much on what could have been, what might have been or why things couldn't have been. Whatever, I'm young. This is the time to be selfish, or if I were to sugarcoat it, focus on myself and be 'independent.' It's all about using the right words to twist situations in our own favors.
Besides, why make someone a priority when they only consider you an option? I think I'm worth more than that. I mean, I AM worth more than that.

I want it all and I hope I get it someday.