sometimes i wonder why parents exist. to drive their child(ren) nuts. so the maternal parental unit claims I should go study abroad, it's for my own good, yadda yadda yadda, how can I not take control of my own future? nay, she begins her tirade, screaming at me for not doing more with my life, demanding to know what the hell I plan to do after graduation. BLAH BLAH BLAH she claims she doesn't want me to end up like her, well given her occupational history of a series of meaningless odd jobs and lay-offs, why would I, let alone, anyone in the world, want to end up like her? not to mention the constant bickering she does with the paternal parental unit. Now, I know that at the time she was demanding I travel abroad just because she had recently been laid off, so she was taking it all out on me, just looking for a reason to scream and bicker with me, for no good reason, demanding I must take control of my future. SO RIDICULOUS.
now that I am just a few months away from actually TRAVELING ABROAD, she claims to be shocked at how expensive these costs are. I swear she is a child. She challenges me, claiming that these study abroad programs are only for students to go play. well, obviously, they are! and she asks me if I really HAVE TO GO. at this point, I have already shelled out the $300 deposit, I inform her, so I ask, no I demand that both parental units must make a decision immediately make a decision, before we have to pay anymore fees. Of course, they don't intend to make any decision, but they say I need to decide for myself, which is what I've been doing my whole life. If that is indeed the plan that we're going to go with, then why must they fight me along every single step? It is so aggravating, sometimes I wish my parents acted like adults!
Of course, I can't openly yell and scream like I want to on the inside, but I must try to remain as civil as I can without exploding, because these are the people who have raised me, given me life, helped me get through college, WHATEVER. I am still entitled to how I feel right now, which is pure irritation.
I suppose if I decide to actually cancel this summer program, I can graduate 1 month earlier, if I take an earlier summer session to complete my major requirements. It's expensive, of course it is. How could anyone not expect that?? It would certainly make the boyfriend happy to know that I won't be going anywhere, because I won't be able to do something I had really wanted to do. since when am I supposed to make decisions for myself, based on other people's happiness?
Furthermore, practically everyone already knows I had intended to go away this summer. It would be a monumental disappoint for me to have to inform those around me that I am, in fact, not going anywhere, like I had wanted to, that's another stupid reason, of course it is, but that's how I feel. one of those disappointments that you don't want the world to know about, but you're forced to let them know about it. It's especially aggravating when I can't even back this up with a good reason. I would have to simply explain that my parents changed their mind, but why?? HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW WHY? and HOW THE FUCK CAN I KNOW HOW MY PARENTS DECIDE ANYTHING? the idiots they are...
You know what? I think I have already made my decision, long ago. This is something I had always wanted to do. I put the process in motion and if I really want to, I will just have to take out a small fortune of a loan, and pay it off after I graduate. I am a humble person, and I am willing to work minimum wage to pay off that loan if I have to. However, I sure hope that that is not the predicament that I will have to be stuck in after I earn a degree. That would be the largest disappointment of all. I don't see how anything could be more disappointing than that.
I can't be dragged in opposite decisions based on what other people think. That's going to happen the rest of my life, so why even let it bother me?