It's hard being Asian...

Mother's Day was yesterday. This was what I gifted my momma.

This is how the Mothers Day Cookie Flowers from Cheryls.com came shipped to me. I had received a $10 off any order coupon code in my e-mail and I figured I'd use it for Mother's Day. The shipping took less than a week, amazing since I pretty much decided to order this within a week of Mother's Day.

Cookie Flowers

I decided to go with something edible/perishable, since my mom pretty much lets anything else sit in her closet, gathering dust and letting money go to waste. There are six cookie flowers on each side. It looks deceiving, like you only get six when you first unwrap the tissue paper. I guess these were specifically for Mother's Day, because they are no longer available on their website. I personally think that these are versatile and look like a substantial gift for many other occasions, especially graduation, which the season for graduation is coming up. In my opinion, they could be missing out on a lot of revenue opportunity, haha.

I was also gifted this potted orchid from work. (I've had them for about a couple of weeks prior to Mother's Day. From this angle, I'm hiding two of the drooping flowers in the back, haha. Hey I did my best. I did water these suckers once a week and leave them near a sunny window as I was instructed.) My mother is obsessed with orchids. She has a million orchids in front of the house, on the staircase leading upstairs, and in the backyard. So I figured she would appreciate this addition to her collection. Aside from that, I have no appreciation for plants. When it comes to gifts, I'll take straight up cash over a plant any day. I'm cynical. That's just me and I've made my peace with it. =D

Now about a week ago, my mom sent me an e-mail with a Chinese article she found online. Since she's home alone all the time, she basically spends some time spamming family members with random tidbits she finds on the web. I, of course, ignored the article completely, and replied asking her what she wanted for Mother's Day. I also asked if she had gotten an iPad case yet. (Side note: My mother, foreign to most things tech, has an iPad. Hype really can sell anything.) Mom, being very traditional, replies: 'Oh just come home, don't worry about a gift.'
So I show up with the box of cookie flowers and potted orchid.

(By the way, carrying that stuff was a disaster. I was helping my boyfriend carry his gift for his mom and the orchid that surprisingly still had water in it and the small box of chocolates on top of the long box of cookie flowers. Being the klutz that I am, I drop the small box of chocolates down maybe 10 stairs, and the potted flower tipped and I got some flower juice down the front of my sweater and jeans. *Smacks forehead* Luckily, boyfriend helped me adjust the orchid while I went to go retrieve the chocolate box, which I later heard one of them was smashed. *sighs*)

Anyways, so I bring my mom her gifts...
Mom: "I told you not to buy anything. Why do you waste money?"
Me: "Don't worry. The orchid was a gift I got at work, and I used a coupon on the cookies."
Mom: "Oh of course you wouldn't really spend money on me. You're so cheap...What is this?"
Me: "They're cookies in the form of a flower bouquet. I thought it was cute."
Mom: "Oh okay...would be better if you had gotten a cake."
Me: "Ok ma'am, next time"

Honestly, I just walked right into that one. Lol I should know better by now. Hello?? I was raised in this environment. No matter what you say or do, it will always be WRONG. Duhhh...

So later on, I am just hanging out with my mom, waiting for dad to come home from picking up his old friends from the airport so we could all go out to dinner. My mom asks me if I can help her return/exchange some bras from Victoria's Secret that I had gotten her back from when I worked at Victoria's Secret. -_- Are you kidding me? I worked there like 3-4 years ago!
Mom: "I want to exchange them for a bigger size. Because I've gained weight since then."
Me: "Mom, are you serious? You CANNOT return these. They are years old.'
Mom: "Why not? I still have the receipt and the tags are still on them."
Me: "Why didn't you just wear them when could fit them? You just kept them in the bag in your closet this whole time?"
Mom: "They're too nice to wear. I was saving them."
Me: *Sighs inwardly* "Let me see the receipt. See, it says no returns after 90 days."
Mom: "Then we'll exchange them."
Me: "No same thing, no exchanges after 90 days."
Mom: "Then you need to buy me new ones."
Me: "Fine...hey 34B, these are my size. I might as well take them now and make use of them, so they don't go to waste."
Mom: "Why did you buy this for me in YOUR size? Oh this is what you wanted all along. You're so selfish. You only think of yourself. You really wanted it for yourself."
Me: "Mom...remember, you picked out the size yourself. You tried them on in the dressing room..." (I'm thinking what a nightmare this is)
Mom: "Well I need new ones now. You should get me new ones...Actually let me try them on."
*strips off shirt, puts on bra right in front of me*
"How do I look? Does it fit?
Me: (oh fuck, why me?) "Yeah yeah, whatever you think."
Mom then takes off bra, throws it into the bag sitting in my lap, starts talking to me topless & I can't take it anymore
Me: "MOM GO PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES!"
Mom just laughs because she thinks it's so funny...

Another annoying Mom story...
Mom: "Where did you get your sweater?"
Me: "I ordered it online from Ann Taylor Loft."
Mom: "Must be expensive. You like spending your money on clothes all the time. How much?"
Me: "It was on clearance. After 40% off sale, I only paid about $7 or $8."
Mom: "Oh, that's cheap. Why didn't you get me one?"
Me: "I didn't know you wanted sweaters...Don't you have multiple closets full of clothes you don't wear...?"
Mom: "You always buy for yourself. You don't think about buying things for me. You buy it online? Help me find it. I want to buy it too."
Me: "I don't think they have it anymore. I got it about a couple of weeks ago."
Mom: "Show me on the internet. I will pay for it myself. I'm not asking you to buy it."
Me: *Sighs* "okay...here's their clearance section. See they don't have it anymore. You can look at their other sweaters."
Mom: "Ok, I want this one. I'm a Medium."
Me: "I don't think so. I think you should get a Large or XLarge."
Mom: "No, I'm not as fat as those obese, white people." (Her words, not mine.) "Here, measure me" *takes out measuring tape. I dutifully obey and measure her protruding midsection.
Me: "Your waist is a 32. Here's the size chart. You should be at least a large."
Mom: "No, see 32 is a small!" (She is referring to the Bust row instead of the Waist row."
Me: "No...look at this row...32 WAIST."
I'm getting bored and pretty annoyed by now. So I decide to use the measuring tape on myself. I measure my waist and it comes out to 20 inches. That can't be right.
Me: "Mom this measuring tape is not right. I'm a 24, not a 20. This cannot be a standard inch."
Mom: "Oh that measuring tape is from China from many years ago. Maybe it's not accurate"
I laugh now and say "Well lol if it measures me as a 20, and I'm really a 24, then you must be at least a 36 inch waist!"
Mom grudgingly agrees and tries to choose an Xlarge sweater on the website, but the website displays a message that says "Not enough inventory." Mom thinks this must mean the website wants her to buy more, and asks me why it's not working?
I try to explain that they don't have it anymore. She doesn't believe me and says I'm not patient enough with her. Now I'm not one to toot my own horn, but at this point, I am...a freaking...saint...

Then she starts window shopping randomly on Banana Republic, and declares all white stores too expensive and doesn't want to bother. Then searches on Ebay and says she wants this handbag for only $12.
Me: "Oh you want a fake Longchamp tote?"
Mom: "It's not fake. Where does it say fake?"
Me: "A seller would not write fake on their post..."
Good lord...
Finally dad and guests arrive at the house and we go out to eat. I try to be upbeat and cheerful to the guests. After I'm done eating, and drinking my Tsingtao, which I so desperately needed - that and something stronger, I politely excuse myself and head on back to my sanctuary. Hello one bedroom, 1 bath, beautiful solace from family.

Aside from that nightmare...

With the cookie flowers, I chose the option to pay for an additional small box of chocolates. I decided to give these to my boyfriend's mom. I knew I wanted to get her something, since she's always so nice to me. But I didn't want to get her something too nice, for fear of getting something nicer than what my boyfriend had in mind.
From what I heard, they tasted good. I do not personally know.

Boyfriend's mom kindly thanked me and said she 'loves it.' A gracious thank you...an expression of gratitude. Is this what normal is? =]

This is what boyfriend gifted his mother. It's a box of cherry blossom decorated petit fours from Noe Valley bakery. I picked them out and he paid for them. They were the most expensive of the Mother's Day gift options on display. Naturally that would be the one I pick...go figure. They were almost $20. Expensive for 4 little things, but decent enough price for a substantial gift, in my opinion. Boyfriend said they thought it tasted lemon-y.

Petit Four Gift Box

I didn't know what to title this post. Lol oh well...I didn't mean for it to come off whiny, but it did.